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Just one day after Americans celebrated the birth of their horrible nation, they can celebrate something more important: Asshole Fuckface Roundup Day. Throw a fucking BBQ! Blow off some fireworks! Make love to a dog! It抯 Asshole Fuckface day! Since man popped out of monkeys (I think that抯 what happened) there have been Asshole Fuckfaces. And because of the existence of Asshole Fuckfaces, God made people like me, who scour the news to find the worst of the worst and drag them into the light, for all to see. We then mock them as a group and feel better about ourselves. The Buddha would have been seriously into this shit. So, strap on your favorite nylon vest and pants because it抯 going to be messy.

First up, what抯 an Asshole Fuckface Roundup without a Christian scared of words

This week sprinter Tyson Gay won the 100 meter final at the Olympic Trials in Eugene, Oregon. He ran the race in 9.68 seconds, but the time will not stand as a record because there was a nice breeze blowing from behind him. What the fuck does this have to do with Christians Well, they use auto-replace in the stories they pick up from the AP. I guess some words aren抰 allowed and others are. Take gay and homosexual, for instance.

Nicely done, you Asshole Fuckfaces. How is living in fear of words going Here抯 what the article was supposed to look like. The crazy Christians realized the mistake made by their auto correct program and fixed it but not before people noticed and called them out on their total and complete retardation.

Next up, some Asshole Fuckfaces kick old ladies in the face for Jesus.

Canadian evangelist Todd Bentley is causing a bit of a stir in Florida. They are used to evangelists down there, but Todd seems to be going over the line a bit.

The revival seems set to meet in the tents at Sun ‘n Fun for the indefinite future, even though some national and local Pentecostal leaders are wary of giving approval to it.

Why are they wary Well, Todd has an interesting style. He is covered in tattoos, has a couple of lip piercings and loves pro wrestling. He had a few private conversations with angels seven years ago. Also, he claims that prayers have raised 25 people from the dead. The twice-daily show is a bit energetic.

One local Pentecostal pastor who attended the revival said he came away “uncomfortable.”

Huh. Think that has anything to do with Bentley抯 healing methods

What No setting someone on fire to stop their acne Come on, Bentley, Jesus is calling.

Next, what would the Roundup be without a showing from our country抯 greatest Asshole Fuckface.

This week Bush heaped praise on his administration and John McCain, by pretending they didn抰 strongly oppose the new GI Bill.

Hey, that抯 nice. Give credit to McCain, the guy who was fucking opposed to the bill, the guy Webb tried to convince for over a year to help him get this bill passed, they guy who said he thought the bill was a bad idea because it would make life better for soldiers, which would cause them to leave the military.

They are very hard to replace. Encouraging people to choose to not become noncommissioned officers would hurt the military and our country very badly.McCain argues his bill would have a smaller impact on retention rates than the legislation that the Senate passed.

And, by all means, praise yourself, because you also opposed the legislation because soldiers might want to better themselves.

The Pentagon and White House have so far resisted a new GI Bill out of fear that too many will use it - choosing to shed the uniform in favor of school and civilian life.

But now that Congress passed the GI Bill with a veto proof majority George has decided to take credit. Go fuck yourself, you dirty cunt. You抮e the worst president in the history of the United States. You can suck on that 憈il you die, you unparalleled failure.

Finally, one of the biggest Asshole Fuckfaces on the face of the Earth, John Stossel.

How awesome are oil companies John Stossel breaks it down.

The guy who responded in that video was awesome.

Congrats to all of this week’s Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each receive a FearTheReaper oil painting portrait.