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Disclaimer: The following news item was written before Harry Knowles ate Cloverfield. Spoiler: Turns out Knowles is the film’s mystery monster.

Those of you who thought Miramax’s movie critic mp3 reeked of high snobiety are going to fill up a paper bag with this>“It feels like nothing less than the rebirth of the cinema.”

The offending critic is David Denby, whose musings usually do not warrant a Naked Gun body condom when checking out the mag’s Film File. Granted, as is industry standard, the original blurb was snipped in the name of marketing/red states: “Imperially free and generous as Schnabel’s work is, the imagery — medical, erotic, religious — hangs together with enormous power. The birth of Bauby’s soul feels like nothing less than the rebirth of the cinema.”

Wow. To me, the original blurb’s even worse. It’s like the edited blurb found itself strung up in an umbilical cord of awful. Is this “blurbiest of blurbs” a mere anomaly or are euphoric birth similes the newer drug of choice amongst New York’s creative underclass?